Also, I live in the wrong part of the country. Just sayin’.

And I’m not going to school. Just sayin’.

AND on top of all that, I don’t care about much right now.
I want something to do, and I want to do it now. So don’t try and stop me, fuckers!!!

I don’t know what that was all about, honest.

I’m tired, forgive me.

So, uhm, yes. I don’t know. I should go now. Just thought I’d mix things up a bit, post and try and remember what this place was for to begin with.
Right. Yeah I don’t remember. I should go look. KAY BYE.

Well, right now, I feel…something. And it’s like emptiness. Kind of. Only not really.

I’m having issues. Major issues. And I am not fond of this. At all. Not at all.

So, um, yes. I’m trying to battle those. It’s not going all too well.

I’m sore. In the brain. I do not feel well. I do not feel well. I am confused. Very very confused.

Oh, and a sidenote, I don’t actually like porn. I find it…too voyeuristic. I enjoy people watching and seeing into other people, yes, but sex is something that should be kept private. Therefore porn is not something I like.
But this…this is Alice in Wonderland.
Also, I hear it’s not all too hard-core, and it’s tasteful. From back in the day when porn was an actual MOVIE and not just sex with a floppy storyline (no pun intended).

Also, last night, I got and watched “House of 1000 Corpses”. If you’ve never seen that, you really should. Rob Zombie movies? Yeah, epic. Just like the music. Cuz it’s all epic. Zombie is a fucking genius. And “House of 1000 Corpses” is really good. Parts are painful to watch (I’m far too empathetic, I know this), but it’s good. I like the younger girl in the family. She’s…awesome. And she has awesome hair.
The killers are cool people, with their sadism.
It’s a good movie.

I read the seventh “Berserk” yesterday, too. So only 7 more to go. Till the ones that are for the TV show are done. I think I might take to reading the whole series. Maybe. Guts is awesome. And he SO is in love with Casca and just won’t admit it.
You watch the series, and tell me he’s not in love with her. Seriously.

And there’s this new Batman series, what I don’t remember the name exactly, but it started in August of this year, and there’s only three issues out. I got the first one. So far so good, but there’s a huge cliffhanger (OF COURSE) at the end, which I find to be very disappointing. I much prefer being able to read the whole book without saying “OKAY I NEED THE NEXT ONE NAOW!!!!” because I almost never have the next one.

I seriously need to get a subscription going with the comic book store. They do that. You just tell them what you want and they set it aside for you, and WHAM, subscription though the store.
I need one of those. For Spider-Man, and this Batman.

Right now, I’m downloading the Alice movie, and waiting for teh Matthew. I suspect he’s still sleeping. He was up till after 2, and was very…uhh…sleepy on the phone. So he could still be sleeping. I already texted him, so just waiting for him to text back.
Also, listening to Muse. “Knights of Cydonia”. It’s a good song. So is “Supermassive Blackhole”.

I saw an interview of Marilyn Manson on David Letterman that the Marilyn Manson fanpage on Facebook put up. Letterman is an asshole, you know? Manson is a fucking genius, and Letterman was…nothing but backlash.
Asshole.

Now I’m looking up MOAR Manson songs to download. You can never have too much Manson. Trust me on this one.

I haven’t done much.

I’m still jobless. Very, very jobless.

And Matthew and I have lasted longer than the Celery has said we would. And we’re moving to Australia.
Matthew and I, nothing to do with Celery.

And then hey guess what…that’s all I got.

We should be going to the bank tomorrow. And going to the comic book store. And the pool hall.
I think.
Sounds good.

This morning sucked. I slept. Till 11. Not my best morning ever. And was cranky and frustrated and just wanted to stay in “bed” all day. Didn’t happen. I got on my laptop, chatted with my aunt on YM for a bit, she suggested I go out and “explore”. So I did.
For about two hours.
Very hot. Very tiring. But I found the nearest bank. Got lost, then found my way back – proud of myself for that (I’m not the best with directions and things).
And then took a shower and lounged about and read. So now I want to sleep again. But I don’t want to really. I want to do …!!!

THAT’S RIGHT!!!
I meant to look at employment stuff at Fred Meyers. There are two within a mile and a half/two miles of the house. Yes, walking distance. Kinda far a bit, but still can get there.
So, I shall go do that. Look for positions.
See if I can apply.

Also, waiting for text messages.
It was odd. We were texting this morning…and that was fine. Till he randomly didn’t respond anymore. So I have no idea what’s up with that.
So, I dunno. I’ll wait till later and hopefully he’ll text me.
Hopefully.
I don’t think I said anything wrong. I’m fairly certain the texts went through…they never said they had a failure thing, so I don’t know. I wanted to call, but figured there was a reason for the lacking of text messages…and it was too early in the morning for phone calls anyway. For me, anyway. And, also, he was probably driving to school. And he doesn’t text and drive. Which is good.

I feel like going somewhere. Like, Sunday will be the last day in this hell-hole, so I would like to get out before we leave. But there’s nowhere to go. I guess I could go to the beach, but what fun is that? It’s cold and windy there.
And I don’t want to go to the comic book store, because I know I’d spend way too much money there and I only have 20$ in cash. And I can’t go to the bank and get more because I closed my account.

Also, I’m listening to the Barbie Girl song. And after all these years, it is STILL epic.
When I was younger, I liked it, cuz it was Barbie and I liked Barbies.  Well, kind of. I liked them just as much as I liked Hot Wheels. I was a boy and a girl child. I’m proud of this.
Anyway, I didn’t know what it meant. But now…I’m older and “smarter” and know what they’re talking about. THAT’S A DIRTY SONG!!! There are lots of things like that. I had NO IDEA, and then after getting “smarter” I learned what the fuck they were talking about…that’s scary.
I knew so many songs blatantly about sex, but didn’t know all the innuendo. These songs would be STUCK IN MY HEAD and I had NO IDEA.
I was a strange child.

Is it strange that the song “The Beginning is the End is the Beginning” makes me think of murder. Still? And evil things and murder and Watchmen but mainly evil things.

Also, I still hate Amanda. She’s a lying whore and a fucking bitch and I really wish she’d just up and go away.
I’m thinking about deleting her from my friends thing on there. After she gets enough friends, that is.
Just cuz it’d be easier that way. She wouldn’t notice. For a long time she still thought I was on MySpace after I deleted the other one. So, really, she won’t notice.
I don’t want her to, either. I don’t want to be friends with her anymore. She is the exact type of person I do not want to know.
She is a prostitute and she is a bitch and she is a thieving bitch at that. Honestly, the reason I think she was so bitchy when I told her about Matthew was because she was jealous. And that makes me laugh.
HA, BITCH, I HAVE SOMETHING YOU DON’T FOR ONCE IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE. What now, huh? You’re gonna act like a bitch about it?  Yeah, that’s what you do, you stupid fucking idiot.
Get out of my life now.

Anyway, enough mindless ranting. Let’s get to a point!! Do I have one of those? I think I do. Somewhere.
Somewhere.
I thought I did.
No, wait, no, I didn’t.
I wanted to, but I never found one. How very…Jessicalike of me.

So, now, I wait. For texting. From teh Matthew.

I might go out. Ride the bike for a while. No idea where to go. Or why. But I kinda want to. I think I shall.
Sounds good.
Nowhere to go, but I wanna go.
Escape for a while. I’ll probably end up going Rhododendron out. And to who-knows-where.
Hopefully it’s not too windy. It’s nice and somewhat warm in the sun,  though. At least at my house.

No, that’s not a bad thing at all.
I want to impress him, want him to be proud of me. Want him to keep thinking that I am what he already thinks I am.
He is…amazing, and he’s going to do things with his life. I want to help, want to be there. Want to be with him and make him smile.

Not a bad thing at all.
Just had to figure that out a li’l bit.
I just need to stop being so lazy with the downtime and actually do things. He’s doing things, and I’m not. That’s not…right, I guess. So, let’s get busy.

Do you know how depressing it is, to find jobs that you’d like to do, BUT CAN’T, because you lack experience? Because there was no way for you to get experience? And there IS no way to get experience? Jobs won’t hire an entry-level admin. assistant, will they. No. So how in the hell are you supposed to get experience in that job? HMMM?????

Exactly my dilemma.
So, I get to wait until we move. Then go out on the job-prowl.
Oooo, I need to get a resume,  too.
I don’t know what to put on it, but I need to write one up. At least start it.
I hear those are important.

Anyway…that’s about as productive as I’ve been all day. I’m about half-way done with most of the bedroom packing. It’s getting to be a very messy process, though.

And for some reason, I’m wanting to try Java again. Granted, that means starting over, sure, but I want to try. I have the books, so why not? EXACTLY.
Though, I have no idea what purpose it would give, but hey, who cares.

And that’s all we’re writing. I think. Don’t have much else.
I’m just feeling oddly motivated today. I like it. I have nothing to accomplish, but I feel like doing SOMETHING. So, we shall see.
And hopefully Matthew texts me when he’s done with school. He said he was going to this morning, but he didn’t. So, have to wait till he’s done with his stuff, about three, and then text him. Well, if he doesn’t text me first.
Yes, I’m going to mention him not texting me this morning. Unless he brings it up first.

He’s a good guy, though. The good kind. The kind you keep around because you know he’s a good guy. And I like him a lot. Trust me. We talked about Pokemon and Scooby-Doo last night.
It doesn’t get any better than that.

And that’s the news.

I did business-like things today. You know, returned all my library books, and closed my bank account (gonna open a new one next week up in Beaverton) and went and got change of address packets from the post office.
Yup yup, we’re moving!

Also had lunch with my dad today. Won’t see him again till the end of September. He’s getting a puppy, and has to be up in town to get it, so he’s gonna stop by and I’m gonna get to see my dad and the cute little puppy. It’s part malamute and part husky and part wolf. AND IT IS ADORABLE.

And that’s about that. My bedroom is a disaster. Stuff is strewn EVERYWHERE. I need to start packing. Really. Gotta get that stuff done, dammit.

I didn’t get up till 11 this morning. Slept for almost 10 hours. I think all these late nights on the phone with Matthew are catching up with me. But that’s alright, I’d much rather be tired and get to talk to him than the alternative.
Matthew is the sweetest guy ever. Really.

I could go on about him, but I’ve done that before, and I don’t think you wanna hear me get all gushy about it. So I won’t. But you know I could.

This is way overwhelming. But, you know what, positive attitude, positive attitude. I need to keep one of those. I hear they’re handy.

ANYWAY. Next topic.

I started stuff today. I went through my clothes and books and got rid of stuff. Well, decided what to get rid of anyway. I went through my scrapbooking stuff (that I don’t look at/use/anything) and got rid of stuff, too. I’d like to, someday, redo them all. Because I started that stuff when I was 9. I didn’t have the best handwriting when I was 9. Nor the best ideas or word choice. So, I mean, for nostalgic reasons, keep it like it is. For presentation reasons, CHANGE IT, OH MY GOD.
And since I want to be able to show them to other people…gotta change it. And that’s what that is.

I kinda decided what books I’m going to take to read. Whether I read them or not is a different story – one that I’m not concerned with right now.

Now I just have to figure out what to do with all my papers. You know, the papers. The huge amount of papers I have. The finished stories. The unfinished stories. The other random stuff that I’ve collected and contained for the past whoknowshowlong. I dunno what to do with them. I know there’s a bunch I could get rid of, probably, but part of me wants to keep it ALL.
So I probably will.
The idea was to use all my stuff (it was like half journal half random stuff in the notebooks) and do something with them, but I’m not sure what. So I should probably keep them.
Least until later.

Also, living arrangements have been made. We do not get a bedroom. My mom and I are camping in the living room. And our couch is gonna be in there, too. It has a hide-a-bed. And we’re getting a closet for clothes and such.
I’m not happy with this. I wasn’t happy before, not happy now. The phone calls will be, heh, not in the living room. Outside or in mom’s car or in the aunt’s room when she’s not in there. But I’m not waiting till midnight to talk on the phone because they want to watch movies. Fuck that.
Grrrr at things. Lots and lots of grr.

Let the stressfun begin.
NOT.
My appetite is SO gonna get dead. When I’m stressed, I can’t eat. The more stressed out I am, the less I can eat. My stomach hurts, it gets all knotty, and it’s just not fun.
So, uh, I’m gonna get to be like this for the next two weeks.

I didn’t sign up for this…